Addicted to Chaos - Teliah NaShonia

Addicted to Chaos


Some of us get uncomfortable when everything is going well in our relationship. In the first few years of my relationship with my fiance, I believed being normal was boring.  I was constantly using my mouth to harm him. I personally refused to live out the roles of the traditional women. Many people assume that the traditional role of a woman is to prepare food, met the obligations within the household, manage the finances, have children, nurse them, and make sure that they're dressed, fed and well cared for. I didn't know how to be that way in a relationship. Societal beliefs about gender roles have obviously emerged over the years as woman continue to seek an equal well-balanced role within their relationships.

As a Christian woman, I want to possess some of these qualities and align my attitude with the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 women.

Proverbs 31:10-31 English Standard Version states that:
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions of her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard. She dresses in strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. 
She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates."

Becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman did not mean that I had to be married or have any children. It means that I needed to prepare my heart for those things that would help bring me closer to God. Yet, I continued to seek out drama because that’s what I knew how to handle.  Basically, I was resisting to let go of the chaos and dysfunction that was apart of my life well before I ever met my fiance.

Imagine, how my fiance felt dealing with a woman who replaces one chaotic situation for another. It wasn't until I started working on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman daily in my life when I understood that I was addicted to dysfunction (and or chaos).  To be addicted to something means that in my relationship I was unable to stop yelling, looking for negativity and always waiting for something bad to happen within my relationship. I remember going through my fiance phone, emails, and social media accounts due to this addiction to chaos. I needed something to be wrong at all times in our relationship because I did not know how to be appreciative of what I have.

Underneath my addictive behavior were many layers of unresolved conflict and trauma that I was failing to deal with below the surface. I learned how to manage my addiction to chaos by first starting with JESUS by praying, reading and meditating on the WORD. Then, I spoke to a mental health professional. These sessions helped me become more aware of why I had a strong gravitation toward chaos first and foremost.

Remember, that having an addiction to chaos is a journey, not your destination. We are not perfect, nor does God expect us to be. Becoming free of this addiction requires you to work hard at becoming a woman who honors God.

To simplify this, even more, I have a list of things I try to do daily/weekly/monthly that helps me become closer to God.

  • Remember that you are worthy of God's grace.
  • Be truthful and faithful.
  • Love others, be good to others and pray for others.
  • Work hard in everything you do.
  • Wake up early and start the day with God. Pray every day and praise our Lord.
  • Study and learn. Enrich your life with knowledge and understanding and become well rounded in your skills.
  • Take advantage of opportunities in business, helping others, and caring for others.
  • Be strong and endure hard times. Put your faith in God to help you when you feel lost.
  • Love and honor yourself; dress well, exercise, behave well.
  • Find friends who share your values and love of God.
  • Fear God and honor him in all things.


If you have any other ideas about removing chaos from your life, please share them below! I'd love to hear some more ideas about what you do to rid your life of dysfunction.

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