Losing Faith in God - Teliah NaShonia

Losing Faith in God

 
 
There was a time in my life where I stopped believing in God. I knew he existed. I read about him religiously in the bible. I was even raised up in church. I heard so many encouraging stories about his unfailing love, mercy, and grace. Yet, it seemed like God was a fictitious character that some individuals were obsessed with. I didn’t understand why individuals would cry so hard in church, shout and speak in tongues. These things made God seem even more imaginary to me. I wanted to know who God exactly was. I wanted to
know why only half of the world believed in him, while the other half did not. I wanted to really understand how God healed the sick, the broken-hearted, mend relationships, and blessed our lives without being physically visible on earth.
 
 I was haunted and tortured daily by the nightmares that stemmed from being sexually violated by my older cousin when I was 12 years old. The backlash of speaking up about my truth was horrific and extremely terrifying. Everyone around me had an opinion and their judgments about my revelation. Some of my family members even developed hatred towards my family. They even went around
spreading rumors about me. I can remember my grandmother telling me that, “You deserved that to happened to you.”Her words were very hurtful and damaging.
 
 
Through all this hatefulness it was very difficult to believe that God loved me. After all, how could he allow something this
devastating to happen to me? 
 
I got straight A’s in school. I went to church every Sunday by my own personal choice. My grandfather had taught me so much about God. His love for God was so strong that it caused me to want a relationship with God. I wanted this peace, joy, and happiness to be apart of life so bad to fill the brokenness that stemmed from being sexually violated.
 
Let’s be honest, it seemed like Christians were victorious and always at peace with the world around them. Little did I know that everyone who accepted the identity as a “Christian,”was damaged internally seeking to become whole through the LOVE of God. This means that all individuals who are seated in the church pews have flaws, deal with hardships and struggles with their faith in God at some point in their life. Although, each of our situations seems different. We have a lot in common which is to find refuge in God so that he can heal us from the pain we encounter in our life.
 
God wants us to have a strong faith that endures trials and focus in doing His will in the present and look to His promises in the future.
 
 1 Peter 1:6-9 states that, “So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So, when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy.  The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.”
 
Peter is urging us to find the true benefits of our salvation amid our tragedies rather than losing our faith. We can rejoice in our new birth, in our undefiled inheritance, and in our eternal security.
 
Simply put, during our pain, we need to believe that it’s possible for us to have both joy and grief during our trials. To have joy in trials is not to deny pain. It is to recognize the fact that they can exist together. They can co-exist in the same way an expectant mother can go through the travail of birth and still have joy in thinking about what is to come. She has joy because she has the “right focus” as she considers this new baby that will be birthed into the world. In the same way, believers must have the right focus to have joy in their multicolored trials.
 

 

After all, Trials are ultimately needed for us to grow in character, protect us from sin, turn us away from sin, and is necessary to further equip us for ministry.

4 thoughts on “Losing Faith in God

  1. I can remember feeling those same doubts. I continued to search, and God helped me find God again. Thank you for being willing to share. It might just encorgage someone going through a season of doubt right now.

  2. Your story is amazing. You were extremely brave to have gone through what you did; yet still stand in and speak your truth. I love the reminder about the dichotomy of life too- that it can literally be the best of times and the worst of times all at the same time. But, you're right, in and through it all we must maintain the "right focus" on God

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